Friday, December 17, 2004

Step Forward Kevin Hendryx, of Austin, Texas – your 15 minutes start now!

Mr Hendryx is (to quote his Amazon.com ‘Top’ reviewer bio) a professional writer, editor, adventure game designer [oh god, a hobbit.. - ed], and musician. Verily, a true renaissance man. He also cites Military History and European History as further arrows in his already bulging quiver of intellectual armament.

Kevin (bless him) has been regaling us Eurotrash with his views on the ‘Will They/Won’t They’ EU & Turkey fandango that’s kicking off at the moment – bask in the glory of his wisdom on the BBC website here.

But, let’s face it, he’s an American, and therefore automatically disqualified to speak with any credibility about anything beyond his repetitious emails to the Austin Chronicle, noble e-organ of that fine city. When it comes to real Geo-Political History, or so it would seem, he gets a little shaky. Did I mention he lives in Texas?
Here’s a little European history 101 to sharpen him up. In 1683, a mere 63 years after the Brits had been busy ridding themselves of a bunch of religious zealots by dumping them in a boat called the Mayflower and directing them off stage right toward some land owned by much nicer people, the Ottoman empire was getting busy in then Westphalia (now Federal Republic of Germany, Kevin, not the VW Microbus of the same name – are you keeping up?).
Their advance ground to a halt, and the Turks invited to a European Congress (Hey Kevin, see where this is going? Can you, can you?) concerning the ramifications of the once Saracen, now ‘Other’ advance.
After this point, the religious and cultural differences between the Muslim faith based Turk and predominately Christian western Europe brought about a view of the by now degenerating Ottoman empire as the Odd-man-out, and then as we moved into the mid-19th Century (Kevin – are you ready for this?) “The Sick Man of Europe”.
Notice that last word in that quote. The one that begins with an ‘e’.
That’s a clue.
When added to the other details, such as Bernard Lewis’ worthy tome ‘The Muslim Discovery of Europe’ the ‘union of the Lily and the Crescent’ between France and Ottoman Empire in the 16th Century which saw the then French ambassador commanding Ottoman Artillery against Persia (Kevin, you may know it as Eye-Rack and Eye-Ran), not to mention Poland’s alliances since the early 15th Century, in fact Poland considered itself closer to Johnny Turk than to the royal houses of France or England.

Oh, and if we really want to split hairs, we could always roll out the hoary old classic about Istanbul being the ‘Gateway to Asia’, note ‘Gateway to’ not Gateway of

Conclusion: Kevin, do shut up. Your currency is collapsing, you have a Chimpanzee as president and your mother dresses you funny. We’re really not interested in your footling little gripes about stuff that has nothing to do with you or your nation.
You see, intellectual credibility wins through every time!

By the way, it's not 'kooky' to cite cod latin mottos in a online bookshop bio. Do grow up.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

So, Farewell then, David Blunkett

The fact (not in dispute, which is worth noting) that whilst you were the Home Secretary, and felt that was completely compatible with being an adulterer didn't seem to cause you any moral problems at all.

And this from the man who 'For 34 years, (has) built (his) political career and earned the trust of the people (he has) have served through being honest and truthful". Handily, that also seemingly involves sleeping with other mens' wives. Great. No problem there, then.

Sadly, there are newspaper owners out there that (rightly) disagree.
We won't be all that sorry to see you go - as you have obviously been at the same chemicals that Jack Straw was taking when he was in your (ex)role.

The object lesson would seem to be: As soon as you get the full support and confidence of Tony Blair, you might as well start packing your bags.
Oh, and at least we've only got 5-6 months of Charles Clarke to put up with; You don't think he's still going to be Home Sec. after the next election, do you??!?!?

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

That Ol' Democracy Problem

"The problems stems from the fact that not even Ukrainians can tell the difference between the names Yushchenko and Yanukovich."

Ukraine expert Korbul Feltivich on that country's disputed presidential election.


Makes you think, doesn't it: Bush - Kerry, Kerry - Bush, they sound sound so alike, don't they?

Get The Actual Facts - TCO Windoze v Linux

...And not from a company (in name at least) led by Steve 'monkey Boy' Ballmer.

Now Read On...

"According to the latest study, entitled Linux vs Windows TCO Comparison: The Final Numbers Are In, for a company with 250 users, Linux solutions will cost between 27 percent and 36 percent less than Microsoft's products over a three-year period."

.....in an effort to gain further credibility, Cybersource says it gave Microsoft a 'head start' by ignoring the costs of dealing with viruses and any costs associated with downtime resulting from reboots and crashes."
Read the full story here

What!!?! Who ever said that Windows Servers ever crash? Heresy!
Oh, apart from this report, this report, this report, this report, this report, this.....[continued page 94]

So, that's alright then.
Oh, and f*ck Microsoft, btw

His Crap Materials

Ahh, to be in production hell. Like the 'upcoming' The Golden Compass films (for anyone not lobotomized, i.e. Non-American might better recognise as Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy).
First off - choose your director.
OK, let's think now... someone with a sense of the epic nature of cinema, scale, spectacle and the like.
Yeah - I know let's get Chris Weitz, director of American Pie 1 & 2. That'll do the trick.

Well, OK, that's the director, now let's see if we can find a non-interfering Studio that won't mess with the main concepts of the books.

New Line; They'll be the ones! look how well they did Lord of the Rings...

[Ooops:
"Earlier this month Weitz removed references to God from the adaptation after New Line expressed concern."
Check the BBC story here]

So, all the stuff about God isn't really that important after all, then.

That's all well and good, but we'll get a really top Producer on board.
How about Deborah Forte?

Great Call!!! The woman who, lest we forget, brought us Clifford The Big Red Dog, Clifford's Puppy Days and not leaving out the multi-Oscar winning classic Clifford's Really Big Movie.

Ladies & Gentlemen, let's just sit back and watch the magic happen, how could we go wrong?

How indeed...

Could someone get Mr Pullman on the phone? We'd like the Olsens to star...

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Well Done, The BBC! Another winner!

Mark Thompson, erstwhile nouveau-DG of the BBC seems determined to make a name for himself in his first year at the corporation. Not a good one, either. One 100% hands-down guaranteed way to really get the good burghers of Wood Lane in a tizz is to cut even more Factual and Learning jobs. Ah, but - the argument goes - Factual & Learning has far too many people in it, and it's a very expensive department to run....
There's a good reason why it's expensive. It's because facts need checking, and learning materials need to have some kind of genuine and legitimate educational value. Thommo doesn't seem to agree, but then, having recently been brought (bought?) in from Channel 4, one can understand that he fails to grasp that particular nettle (or indeed concept).
Rather, he really should fire all the charming little hobbits who nest within the BBC Creative R&D department (having sneakily changed it's name from 'Imagineering' in a very Windscale/Sellafield kind of a way - what were they trying to cover up? perhaps the monumental amount of money they waste on useless projects every year? Who knows...)
How much money would that save...?