His Crap Materials

Ahh, to be in production hell. Like the 'upcoming' The Golden Compass films (for anyone not lobotomized, i.e. Non-American might better recognise as Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy).
First off - choose your director.
OK, let's think now... someone with a sense of the epic nature of cinema, scale, spectacle and the like.
Yeah - I know let's get Chris Weitz, director of American Pie 1 & 2. That'll do the trick.

Well, OK, that's the director, now let's see if we can find a non-interfering Studio that won't mess with the main concepts of the books.

New Line; They'll be the ones! look how well they did Lord of the Rings...

[Ooops:

"Earlier this month Weitz removed references to God from the adaptation after New Line expressed concern."

Check the BBC story here]

So, all the stuff about God isn't really that important after all, then.

That's all well and good, but we'll get a really top Producer on board.
How about Deborah Forte?

Great Call!!! The woman who, lest we forget, brought us Clifford The Big Red Dog, Clifford's Puppy Days and not leaving out the multi-Oscar winning classic Clifford's Really Big Movie.

Ladies & Gentlemen, let's just sit back and watch the magic happen, how could we go wrong?

How indeed...

Could someone get Mr Pullman on the phone? We'd like the Olsens to star...