Friday, December 17, 2004

Step Forward Kevin Hendryx, of Austin, Texas – your 15 minutes start now!

Mr Hendryx is (to quote his Amazon.com ‘Top’ reviewer bio) a professional writer, editor, adventure game designer [oh god, a hobbit.. - ed], and musician. Verily, a true renaissance man. He also cites Military History and European History as further arrows in his already bulging quiver of intellectual armament.

Kevin (bless him) has been regaling us Eurotrash with his views on the ‘Will They/Won’t They’ EU & Turkey fandango that’s kicking off at the moment – bask in the glory of his wisdom on the BBC website here.

But, let’s face it, he’s an American, and therefore automatically disqualified to speak with any credibility about anything beyond his repetitious emails to the Austin Chronicle, noble e-organ of that fine city. When it comes to real Geo-Political History, or so it would seem, he gets a little shaky. Did I mention he lives in Texas?
Here’s a little European history 101 to sharpen him up. In 1683, a mere 63 years after the Brits had been busy ridding themselves of a bunch of religious zealots by dumping them in a boat called the Mayflower and directing them off stage right toward some land owned by much nicer people, the Ottoman empire was getting busy in then Westphalia (now Federal Republic of Germany, Kevin, not the VW Microbus of the same name – are you keeping up?).
Their advance ground to a halt, and the Turks invited to a European Congress (Hey Kevin, see where this is going? Can you, can you?) concerning the ramifications of the once Saracen, now ‘Other’ advance.
After this point, the religious and cultural differences between the Muslim faith based Turk and predominately Christian western Europe brought about a view of the by now degenerating Ottoman empire as the Odd-man-out, and then as we moved into the mid-19th Century (Kevin – are you ready for this?) “The Sick Man of Europe”.
Notice that last word in that quote. The one that begins with an ‘e’.
That’s a clue.
When added to the other details, such as Bernard Lewis’ worthy tome ‘The Muslim Discovery of Europe’ the ‘union of the Lily and the Crescent’ between France and Ottoman Empire in the 16th Century which saw the then French ambassador commanding Ottoman Artillery against Persia (Kevin, you may know it as Eye-Rack and Eye-Ran), not to mention Poland’s alliances since the early 15th Century, in fact Poland considered itself closer to Johnny Turk than to the royal houses of France or England.

Oh, and if we really want to split hairs, we could always roll out the hoary old classic about Istanbul being the ‘Gateway to Asia’, note ‘Gateway to’ not Gateway of

Conclusion: Kevin, do shut up. Your currency is collapsing, you have a Chimpanzee as president and your mother dresses you funny. We’re really not interested in your footling little gripes about stuff that has nothing to do with you or your nation.
You see, intellectual credibility wins through every time!

By the way, it's not 'kooky' to cite cod latin mottos in a online bookshop bio. Do grow up.

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